Dumping My Brain’s Unwanted Contents

I’m a fairly pacifistic (that’s a weird-looking word) person. I don’t like to argue with others, I don’t like to yell at people or get in their face or say mean things. I’ve always been the nice one, the quiet type. But, you know, quiet types do get angry. I don’t like it when people assume that because a person is “quiet” or “nice,” that they don’t have a range of emotion like everybody else.

I was writing in my journal this morning and I realized that 95% of what I write in there is a bunch of rants – things I would never say  out loud or to anyone’s face. In my journal, I am a completely different person. In my journal, I allow myself to get angry at the world’s injustice. I get angry at people. I get angry over stupid, petty things that, in real life, I would just shrug off and say something like, “Oh, that’s OK. It’s no big deal.”

I suppose getting all that negativity out in the privacy of a journal is better than letting it run rampant in real life. Dumping the angry contents of my brain on paper and not onto the ears of another person is more therapeutic and causes fewer arguments in the long run. It allows me to see if I am thinking irrationally. And, if I look back at those rants in a month, it lets me see how petty and easily forgettable they are.

But if anyone stumbled across my journal and read it (if they could even read my handwriting to begin with), I don’t think they’d connect those angry rants with me – that “nice” girl. Because, you know, “quiet” and “nice” people never get mad. It’s impossible.

Have a happy Monday! 🙂

10 thoughts on “Dumping My Brain’s Unwanted Contents

  1. A good discussion can help you sift your ideas, like throwing stuff up against the wall and seeing what sticks, but it’s pretty hard to keep it civil sometimes and both sides have to be willing to listen.

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  2. I’m the same, really. There was one point that I felt that people always came to me for advice and support but never realised that I had emotions and needed support, too. But I guess that’s life. I express EVERYTHING in my journal, from rants to happy thoughts. But I never write in a rude way, it just seems uncharacteristic of me.

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  3. I’ll admit to doing the same thing years ago. My blog was the repositry for much angst and frustration. Once written, the stress seemed to leave my head – kind of like howling into an empty room. It’s not seen a post for a long time but I still can’t make myself delete it – http://pagenumberone.blogspot.co.uk/ – perhaps it’s like Dorian Grey’s painting in the attic. I think that if it goes, all those rants are back in my head !

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  4. I used to write rants down . . . but it tended to “fuel the flames” instead of letting them die out quickly.

    Now, I just try to take a big step back and ask: Will this matter a year from now? If not, I cut it loose and let it drift away.

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  5. My ex was raised a Quaker, and she always had trouble expressing anger. She didn’t take it out in a journal, though, she took it out in physical activity — mostly working with horses and drumming. She later got a black belt in karate, too.

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  6. It is healthy that you are getting it out in some way, but…your inner editor cannot help but think of people reading it later…it is part of a writer’s need to communicate in some way. I had a tendency to do the same, but I now agree with nrhatch…I think it is best to focus on positive things. Sometimes you can feel better by writing a gratefulness list instead of a rant. Keep journaling though!!

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