Ramblings on Friendship, Part II

This is the sequel to this post. When do two people stop being friends? I like to compare this with the breakup of a romantic relationship: often, we remember the exact date of a breakup quite clearly. But sometimes friends tend to drift away from each other rather than having an abrupt “breakup.”

Friends drifting away may not have anything to do with ill will or bad feelings toward the other person; it’s just the normal course of life. You develop different interests, you spend time doing different things, and so on. So that person you were once very close to is relegated to the realm of “old friend”—they’re definitely not an enemy, and they don’t get demoted to the status of acquaintance because you did once share aspects of your life with them.

It sounds like a cliche, but I think that certain people are meant to be in your life at certain times for certain reasons. People who you were very close friends with but who drifted away some years ago may come back into your life, but their relationship with you will never be the same as it once was, and to try to make it the same is always futile.

 

6 thoughts on “Ramblings on Friendship, Part II

  1. You are indeed insightful. Very well done post, thank you for putting it up for us others to read. I am going to reblog this one for you, hopefully it will draw a little more traffic your way.

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  2. “Friends drifting away may not have anything to do with ill will or bad feelings toward the other person; it’s just the normal course of life. You develop different interests, you spend time doing different things, and so on.”

    Exactly. You have the memories and the connection, but you don’t spend time together in the same way, because people do change.

    I had a friend when I was very young, and then we drifted apart when we were teenagers (he moved across the country — that was a factor). We reconnected a couple of times by email, but then really got back in touch via Facebook. Since then, we have seen each other a few times when he and his wife were on the East Coast, and most recently I stayed with them for a few days when they were vacationing at their house on Cape Cod. (This was particularly enjoyable, since that’s where he and I spent a lot of our childhood time together — in that same house.)

    But the main reason he and I get along now is that we still happen to have a lot of things in common. I went with them to his mother’s memorial, and then we went back to their hotel room, got us an ample supply of Diet Coke, and ended up happily dissecting our opinions about every single Coen Brothers film, and related matters.

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  3. Though it may be cliched by now, I really think it is quite true. Life has a way of working for or against you. Regardless of the negative or positive, there is no doubt in my mind that there is a higher power that is showing us how to improve ourselves. It’s that many of us miss that enlightenment by being too self-absorbed. So I do believe that people come in and out of our lives for a reason. Learning that reason is imperative to becoming a wiser and better person. Always appreciate those you know while you can.

    All of my friends from highschool are gone from my life. Even if we chat on Facebook, that’s all it is: superficial. That connection isn’t there anymore. I won’t get depressed about it; rather, I reminisce about how good of a friend she was when I had no one else at the time. And hope that I was as good to her as she was to me.

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